I have 3 brothers, and I am admittedly NOT a good girl mom simply because I don't do hair. I currently have a pixie cut...I wash it about once a week because that's all I have to do with my horse hair, and I throw gel /mousse/pomade on it call it good. My girls have ratty looking hair, none of that cute braided bullshit we see on the interwebs...that's just not me.
I cut my boy's hair and I'm more than comfortable with that. It's easy, and we don't have to do it for another month. Boys heads are so much easier to deal with...
But, when it comes to matters of genitals? Yeah. I'm at a loss here.
In case you didn't know, I don't own a penis. I only know what I've heard from my brothers, husband, and immature teenagers back in the day. When Connor was born, he had what was called a hidden penis (don't Google it, you'll thank me later), which only meant that his little penis would get hidden by his pudgy little baby rolls. It wasn't a problem except for needing to keep it clean, for obvious reasons, so, we would pop that baby out in the bath and clean the rolls and nooks and crannies, and it would go back in like a little turtle and voila, we were good to go.
Here we are, 8 years later, and Connor is now an almost pubescent teenager. Now, this stresses me out for multiple reasons; namely, he is autistic. Things are awkward with him, even when they shouldn't be, but that's the nature of Connor. My punch line for him is "making things awkward since 2009" because, it's the truth.
This morning he came down complaining that he was itchy...not a big deal, where you itchy at buddy?
FAMOUS LAST WORDS.
I'm sorry, your what? Your penis? Your penis is itchy?
Crap. Where's Shane when I need him?
"Uh well, let's take a look I guess..."
I grabbed my flashlight and had him stand there while I tried to look as closely as I could without touching. I had him do the touching, as we are very much trying to teach our kids about what is and is not okay as far as their bodies are concerned, but sometimes mom or dad or the doctor have to touch us in our private areas and it is safe, so long as they are consenting and understand what is happening.
Anyway, I was not gonna touch his penis. I've started letting my boys bathe themselves verses me doing it, simply because it's a good skill to have (last I checked) and Connor is definitely more than old enough for that now at almost 8 years of age.
He held it up while I looked closely and found what was bothering him...I handed him a baby wipe and told him how to properly clean under there, and that was that. Hannah was giggling but I reminded her that this is nothing to laugh about, and to give him some privacy, so she did.
However, inside, I was dying. How is this my life? Why am I staring at my 8 year old autistic son's penis before lunch? I don't get paid enough for this gig.
I texted Shane to let him know of my findings, and, my recommendations of bathing him better and more often (or rather having him bathe himself better and more often) because things will soon start to get super funky as he moves into puberty, and oh my Lord I don't want to think of my baby being all stinky and oily and sweaty...how is this going to work with Connor???? I thought I was thick skinned. I mean, I want to be a nurse, so bodies shouldn't make me squirm, but he's my little squishy Connor man, and I can't wrap my head around him growing up.
And there it was...it isn't as much about his penis being itchy so much as it was me not being comfortable with my baby growing up.
Hannah hitting puberty has only filled me with dread for one reason, and one reason only.......she is downright bitchy, and there's only room in this family for one of us.
Connor hitting puberty makes me anxious simply because of the nature of his personality and quirks and how much I will probably have to know about boys and puberty from here on out.
If you have been here, please, offer advice. Autism and puberty combined terrifies me. I need to figure out how to come to terms with this in a healthy manner, or else I may self combust.